Cosplaying Coward Cops

While the killer murders children, cosplaying coward cops make sure their hands are sanitized. The coward cops of Uvalde and Parkland show that the militarization of American police is mostly cosplay.

Quemoy and Matsu

60 years after arguing about Quemoy and Matsu

we’re still arguing about

Quemoy and Matsu.

Bahrain Stats

Good news Bahrain: The number of Active Covid-19 cases is dropping. 12,747 as of 4 July. There is still a long way to go to get the numbers to the August, 2020 level, but the July trend is encouraging.

Soul-Eating Monster

Q. “We are playing the conference champions next week and our team has had a dismal record. What can we do, that is, in a spiritual sense, to insure victory?”

A. Put photographs of a soul-eating Naga everywhere in the champions’ dressing room, and build a life-size model to be placed on a trailer so that it can dragged onto the field during time-outs for private game time prayer. With souls at risk, victory for your team should be assured.

Football Prayer Rug

American Muslims: now that the US Supreme Court in Bremerton has approved midfield prayer during football games, it’s time to get an appropriate prayer rug for the next game.

(Note: please do not suggest this is inappropriate, I have an Afghani prayer rug showing a pistol and a Kalashnikov.)

June Stats

June stats: the number of Active Covid-19 cases in Bahrain has started to level off, with daily drops of 200 cases or so. Let’s hope the slow downward trend continues.

Bremerton FAQ

The U.S. Supreme Court has approved private, voluntary prayer at high school football games. The opinion raises many questions concerning the Establishment clause and the separation of Church and State. I have put together a helpful FAQ to aid bewildered school administrators.

Q. Has the Supreme Court put prayer back in the schools?

A. Not really. At this stage, there must be a football-related reason to justify invoking a deity’s aid.

Q. If one coach prays in an effort to obtain the favor of a particular deity, what should the other team do to avoid a competitive disadvantage?

A. A school-approved “chaplains’ panel” should level the playing field. Holy men of all faiths may apply.

Q. May a santero football coach sacrifice a goat on the 50-yard line during football games?

A. Of course! As long as a time-out is called and the sacrifice is performed quickly, such as at the end of a quarter or during half-time.

Q. Is voodoo a permitted football religious practice?

A. It certainly is! The practice is often seen at schools found in Haitian neighborhoods in Miami.

It is well known that invoking Papa Legba can often steer an errant kick into a three-pointer.

Q. Are underaged players permitted to smoke cigars and spew rum during conference games?

Of course! Note that since the rum is not consumed but instead sprayed in the direction of the orisha that underage drinking rules are not implicated. However, these sacraments should be used only under the guidance of the school Babalawo.

Q. Is it OK to speak in tongues in a huddle?

A. The term “huddle” is now deprecated. The new term is “game time prayer circle.”

And yes, what would otherwise be private prayer that becomes loud and public because of divine intervention may not be restricted.

Q. It’s 4th and inches. Is it constitutionally permitted to call a time-out for private prayer?

A. Whether it’s 4th and inches or 1st and 10, tell Coach that there’s no time like the present for private worship.

Q. My school has lost its last three games. Can we use black magic to beat our next opponent?

Of course. Drawing a pentacle on the field is one way to insure missed tackles and regular turnovers.

Q. Is permitted school football prayer restricted to “mainstream” religions?

Glad you asked. No, it’s not. As long as you have an identifiable deity, there is no restriction on private worship.

Q. Are Scientology tents permitted at high school football games?

A. Of course!

Scientology counselors packing e-Meters will offer free counseling, pre-clear services and sign-up sheets.

Q. We have an atheist in our game time prayer circle. What can we do?

A. Under Bremerton, football field prayer must be voluntary. However, Coach can bench whomever he wants for lack of good character.

The Supreme Court may rule on religious issues, but will not overrule the personnel decisions of a head coach, especially at game time.

Q. Should Zoroastrian players be permitted to light small fires on the field in honor of their god?

A. Yes. Zoroastrian fire marshals can insure that small fires lit by worshipful players pose no threat to the groundskeepers

Q. Coach requires two hours of classroom per week where he writes X’s and O’s on the board so the team can learn new plays.

My question is: can we have voluntary prayer in the classroom?

A. Yes. Because football is the reason for the class, prayer at these sessions is permitted.

Q. Can someone explain the Bremerton decision to me?

A. Because celebrity athletes are particularly well-suited to answer church/state questions based on their athletic prowess, we have decided to pose this question to Phil Mickelson at the earliest opportunity.

Q. We scored a field goal with 12 seconds left on the clock. What is an appropriate way to give thanks?

A. This depends on your religious tradition. Consult with your football team’s chaplain for best practices.

Q. Our school board refuses to fund the football team chaplain. The team has a special need, as they have had three losing seasons. What can we do?

A. Some school boards recommend setting up inter-faith religious commissions to vet candidates for the football chaplaincy.

Q. Coach and I share the same Christian faith. The team’s defensive coordinator is, however, of the Jewish faith. What should I do?

A. Help the defensive coordinator to form a minyan when requested. All faiths are respected on the field under Bremerton.

Q. We have an atheist in our game time prayer circle. What can we do?

A. Under Bremerton, football field prayer must be voluntary. However, Coach can bench whomever he wants for lack of good character.

Q. It’s 3rd and long and a rattlesnake brought for half-time snake-handling prayer has escaped onto the field. Can Coach use one of his time-outs?

A. Time spent collecting the reptile will not be charged to either team as the free exercise of religion at school-sponsored events must be respected.

Q. What is private prayer?

Private prayer is the subvocal, unobtrusive invocation of an identified deity, performed after alerting the media as to time and place of the subvocalization and voluntary prayer circle.

Q. If the 1st Amendment permits prayer in schools, doesn’t the 2nd Amendment permit guns in schools? When can our defensive tackles take their .357 magnums to practice?

A. First, let us compliment your defensive line on a wise choice of personal firearm. Automatic pistols may carry more rounds, but they are harder to clean and clear. A revolver is a safer gun because it is easier to insure that no round is chambered.

As to your question, Justice Roberts, who leaked the Dobbs opinion, intimated that we will see developments in this area soon.

“Historic” Legislation

The proposed “historic” American gun legislation is anything but:

• no restrictions on assault rifles
• more meaningless background checks
• closing a non-existent “boyfriend” exemption (firearms surrender as a condition of bail in a domestic violence arrest is already applicable to everyone)
• increased mental health programs (without funding or any idea how these will be organized)
• increasing school security (fully-equipped SWAT teams, if standing around, are useless in a crisis)

This isn’t even putting bandage on a wound. It’s talk about buying a bandage next time there is a wound. At most.

And watch as the 14 Republicans read the room and retreat.

Well: “it’s better than nothing,” they said.

No, it’s not. It’s worse, because all the palaver leads people into thinking that something is being done.

Nothing is being done.

Nothing except meaningless yapping.

Protecting Democracy

What’s strange–

and really more dangerous than anything else

–is that both sides on January 6

thought they were protecting democracy.

No More English

Efforts to “de-gender” the English language by using neologisms (e.g. “latinx”) have failed, even though English is not as gender-obsessed as the Romance languages or German. The only real solution is a language that does not recognize gender at all. One such language–though to be clear, I don’t speak it yet–is Farsi, otherwise known as Persian, a genderless Indo-European, non-tonal language. From now on, please write in Farsi only so as not to offend anyone’s sensibilities.

Merci.

(The French word for thanks is commonly used in Iran; a potentially dangerous intrusion from a gender-obsessed language that will have to be dealt with in the future.)

gender #latinx #genderbias #language #farsi #persian

British Ooze Under Your Shoes

Anyone who makes it from Calais, whether legally or not, should be given refugee status because of their successful efforts to land on British soil. Just as possession is 9/10ths of the law and “finders keepers, loosers weepers”:

“British ooze under the shoes” confers the ancient right of abode.

Some of these immigrants have traveled thousands of miles. That determination should be worth something.

Plus, these days, there’s lots of jobs to go around.

Convince me I’m wrong.

Assange Plea

Here are the outlines for a face-saving plea for the USG in the Assange case:

• Guilty plea to a felony computer crime
• Three year cap, credit for time in Belmarsh.
• Non-reporting probation.

Julian gets his freedom back, USG gets a guilty plea, Julian free to travel anywhere except USA.

Not Refugees

Chilean-resident Haitians who have lived in Chile for five years are not refugees.

Chile #haiti #refugees #Panama

immigration policy

Evergreening the Vig

Evergreening:

“To roll over unpaid amounts on loans, adding to the total amount outstanding.”

Loan sharks have long simply added unpaid vig to the total amt.owed without needing to name the practice.

banking #creditoreal #mafia

Save Money on Business Consulting

No need to waste millions on McKinsey’s business consulting advice; the t-shirt says it all.

LIV PGA Hypocrisy

There is so little to write about when covering golf that the slightest variation from the game’s white-bread norm is newsworthy. Because what happens in the game is infrequent and hard to see and takes little more than 90 seconds on Youtube (discounting the interminable ads, of course) discussing player’s fashion choices (Payne Stewart) sex addiction (Tiger Woods) or Saudi Arabia is about all the sports journos have to write about.

Thanks to LIV, the new Saudi-funded tournament, there is a lot to talk about, as talent to hit a golf ball must surely include an in-depth knowledge of the Kingdom, its customs and traditions. Who better to ask about Saudi Arabia than Phil Mickelson? Who has spent more time studying the nuances of the relationship between the United States and the Kingdom than Northern Ireland’s Rory McIllroy? Questions about the Islamic shari’a can be addressed to Bubba Watson, who surely must have expertise in this area.

John Daley hasn’t won a tournament in decades, but because he is “colorful” i.e., smokes, drinks, is unapologetically overweight and has a passion for Diet Coke, he is routinely granted sponsors’ exemptions anyway in a desperate effort to spice things up. Daly’s “non-country club appearance and attitude” (Wikipedia) have carried him far in a sport where homogeneity is king. Who are these sponsors anyway? Daly gets to play in PGA events, but a pro who played in a LIV tournament? God forbid.

Pro golfers, according to the PGA’s tax returns are independent contractors, except when they act like independent contractors and sell their services to the highest bidder. Then they’re something else, but exactly what no one knows. Foreign governments sponsoring professional athletics? The cheek!

But ask yourself if there would be the same reaction if Scotland, Spain or Japan—where golf is a legitimate religion—were sponsoring LIV instead. Probably not, which suggests that the controversy is merely masked Islamophobia, racism and good old American hate.

Sometimes I wish Eisenhower hadn’t taken up the game.

Kids Need Guns and They Need Them Now

“Imagine some would-be mass shooter bursting into a classroom only to be faced almost instantly by the barrels of at least 15 to 20 handguns.”

Read more: https://www.seacoastonline.com/story/opinion/columns/2022/06/05/kerr-want-end-school-shootings-lets-just-arm-kids/7487864001/

Not Looking Good

The number of Active Covid-19 cases in Bahrain continues to rise.

On the Submission of Appellate Briefs

One great way to have a brief pompously returned is to you with directions to “correct and re-file” is to include any kind of graphic. The appellate clerk’s office is filled with martinets. Your only hope is to file an application for leave to include a graphic. 99% of these will be denied. Font-size, word count, how words are counted (teenager, teen-ager or teen ager?) are pimples the clerks love to pick.

After such an experience, and knowing that words expended to identify a font are not counted, I included a two-page history of a famous Venetian font, Bembo, with the story of its digital revival.

(This was done in the context of an Anders brief in a case where there were no issues but due process theater.)

The clerk’s office accepted the brief but told me not to do it again.

Kosovo and Ukraine

Kosovo voted for independence and the will of the people was respected.

Crimea voted for union with Russia and the will of the people was ignored.

The war in Ukraine is not what you think.

Not Looking Good

Active Covid-19 cases in Bahrain for the month of June, 2022. The numbers are going up, not down.

Lawyers Futzing

Do clients know they are paying seasoned lawyers to futz with document formatting? This is a direct result of getting rid of secretaries. How many fruitless attorney hours are wasted fixing fomatting; correcting autonumbering errors and the like?

Or my favorite: having local counsel fill in forms on templates where the phrase “use additional sheets where necessary” is missing.

How many hours lost (by clients but billed by law firms) as attorneys try to tweak the forms, fix hyphenation, add numbered lists, etc.?

If you were a client would you pay for it? So why do lawyers expect non-lawyer clients to dig into their pockets?

If typography is your hobby, have at it, but don’t expect the client to pay for your foolishness.

Infected Thought

Reuters asks: “should a female elephant have some of the same legal rights as humans? In a push to free the one named Happy from the Bronx Zoo, an animal rights group asks New York’s top court that question .”

What about male elephants? Should they not have the same rights as female elephants?

Or has the vice of political correctness so infected thought that Reuters thought it appropriate to tell us the elephant’s gender, as if it had anything to do with the issue?

How Many Banks?

According to the NY Times, at least 20 banks are putting up 1/3rd of the money Elon needs to buy Twitter.

Roe v. Wade Leak

First drafts don’t get typeset in 12 pt Century. This is a “draft” only in the sense that there may be line-edits and cites checked.

Not that there will be substantive changes.

Expect this to be the opinion of the Court. They have already voted.