Relativity Software Fix

Sometimes software problems are so complex that the only solution is spiritual help. In this case, as all Miami lawyers know, we’ll invoke Eleggua, “the Roads,” the santería orisha whose powers include opening a path and clearing the way.

You’ll need:

  • a cigar and matches or a lighter
  • a bottle of rum (a cupful will do)
  • a handful of coins
  • proximity to an intersection

Walk to the nearest intersection. Light the cigar and blow smoke into the air. Take a swig of the rum and spit it out towards the center of the intersection, taking care to avoid inconveniencing the occasional pedestrian or passing automobiles.

Throw the coins into intersection while mentioning the name of the orisha. Relativity latency problems should disappear shortly thereafter.

Keep in mind that this saint’s colors are red and black; the ritual is more effective if these colors are worn. Some say it is even better to don the red and black collar, or eleke as the saint is particularly benevolent to those supplicants who come to him so adorned.